Couple’s Donut and a Letter to Law Enforcement Couples

Couple’s Donut and a Letter to Law Enforcement Couples What is a couple’s donut? This week I have a guest column to share with you written by Dr. Ellen Kirschman, a 30-year police psychologist and author of several books for law enforcement officers and their families, and now psychological mysteries (which are very good, BTW).[…]

Your Relationship is the “Client” in Couples Counseling

Your Relationship is the “Client” in Couples Counseling You have each made a commitment to one another and to your relationship; a partner bond that goes both ways. If that bond going both ways breaks down, and you are experiencing difficulty in your marriage, perhaps you will seek couples counseling. I see relationship counseling for[…]

“Woman on Fire” a Book for Sexual Empowerment

“Woman on Fire” a New Book for Sexual Empowerment Woman on Fire, a new book by Amy Jo Goddard, MA, Sexual Health Educator, empowers women sexually in the same way that Cheryl Sandberg’s Lean In empowers women in business and in their careers. In Woman on Fire, Amy Jo Goddard lays out her holistic, inside-out[…]

“How Can We Be Happy Again?” Part 2

Today I am going to answer Help’s question of “How Can We Be Happy Again?” by talking about our ability to calm and soothe ourselves and each other, and have loving, connected conversations. I’m going to use a lot of brain terminology within context, but without much definition, so if you want, you can look[…]

“How Can We Be Happy Again?”

Dear Chandrama, How can we be happy again? I try to argue with him to get him to respond, and he goes further and further away, including long hours at work, and then on his devices when he’s home. Help! Dear Help, Thanks for such a good (and big) question. Over several posts I am[…]

Fidelity, Infidelity, Loyalty, Luck

I just read “Vow,” by Wendy Plump, in which she writes about her own and her x-husband’s infidelity; the benefits and the costs she found. To have a marriage of fidelity, we have to employ loyalty, to stay out of potentially dangerous situations, to keep putting more into our marriage, to keep the windows and[…]

Valentine’s Day: Pressure for Perfection

Valentine’s Day is supposed to be about love and romance. It may be great pressure for gift buying and giving, and for doing things for your beloved. In the construct of The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman, Valentine’s Day is good for those whose Love language is Gifts or Acts of Service. If your[…]

Go Ahead, Have a Fight

Many disagreements come about because we don’t understand our partner’s intention, and s/he does not anticipate the impact that action or behavior will have on me. We have to remember that s/he did not grow up in our family, and s/he is not going to act “right” [meaning the way we expect or want] at[…]

Love (not Zero)

While recently soaking up the beauty of Taos, New Mexico, and the surrounding mountains, valleys, rivers, Rio Grande gorge, aspens, wild flowers, desert terrain, thunder and lightening storms, red rocks and wild skies of Georgia O’Keefe’s and many peoples’ ancient homes, I read Dr. Abraham Verghese’s book “The Tennis Partner.” This is a powerful story[…]


“Trust is habitual reciprocity that becomes coated by emotion.” – David Brooks* What a fantastic definition of trust. I am often asked, “What is trust?” and “How do I know if I can trust a person?” Building trust initially is a process that inherently needs to go slowly. Does s/he do what s/he says s/he will[…]