Seven Months Since Mom Died
I really miss mom. I find myself talking to her sometimes; telling her how much I love her. I’ve been planting a succulent garden and growing tomatoes. I know she would be glad as she always offered to help me with gardening. So I find myself enjoying it just a bit more, thinking of the satisfaction it would bring to her, too.
My grief has been surprising to me. I thought I would cry a lot (as I have with previous deaths). But I haven’t. Maybe because this is uncomplicated grief: I love her, she loves me. Period. No unfinished business. Nothing left unsaid
Grief can show up in many ways besides emotional outpouring. I’ve become absent-minded (this is a form of grief I’ve had before). I had to use the “find my phone” function, only to discover it was on the charger after I had searched everywhere. If something is not written in my calendar, it’s not happening — and I sometimes still miss it. It’s rather distressing, as I’m usually organized, efficient, and on top of things.
The one place I am completely “on track” is with my clients. Everything else falls away, and I am completely focused and present with them. It feels good to be in the healing, therapeutic mode with others.
I miss mom, I am kind to myself about being absent-minded, and recognize my grief and humanity in this part of my own journey, and I give my undivided attention to my clients in the room.
Mom would be proud of me.
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