Marriage Interview 15: I Blamed it on Him

Marriage Interview 15: I Blamed it on Him Patti and Jeff met in 1979. Patti and her sister had placed a want ad for a roommate, and Jeff applied. They had a great, long talk, and decided he wasn’t a fit for a roommate. Patti had just come back from Europe. She and Jeff hung[…]

Heart Pounding, Hands Cold and Sweating

Heart Pounding, Hands Cold and Sweating I had an experience as part of training that got me to this place: heart pounding, hands cold and sweating. As a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I have to take continuing education every licensure period. Despite the fact that I had five years of couple training post graduate[…]

Repeating Myself for Your Marriage

Repeating Myself for Your Marriage I’m repeating myself for your marriage. This is so important, that I am going to repeat myself: If your relationship is in trouble, do something about it NOW! The research shows that many couples let things go for six years before coming to counseling. Many couples go much longer, caught[…]

Goals and Expectations in a Couples Relationship

Goals and Expectations in a Couples Relationship Do you plan goals and set expectations at work? Of course you do. However, many people forget to set goals and expectations in a couples relationship. They do not go through this process with their relationship, and later wonder, “How did I get here?” What Do You Each[…]

“We are Spiritually Unemployed” — What Will You Do About It?

“We are Spiritually Unemployed” When thinking about the concept of “we are spiritually unemployed”, I’m talking about the definition from the Oxford Dictionary: “of, relating to, or affecting the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical things.” Another definition of spirit is related to religion, and I’m not talking about that in[…]

How are Exotic Animal Training and Learning in Marriage Related?

How are Exotic Animal Training and Learning in Marriage Related? I hear a lot of complaining about what a partner did or didn’t do. A lot of, “If you loved me, you would/wouldn’t,” and see many behaviors that lack appreciation and leave a partner feeling s/he will never be good enough. Reward and Praise (and[…]

Your Relationship is the “Client” in Couples Counseling

Your Relationship is the “Client” in Couples Counseling You have each made a commitment to one another and to your relationship; a partner bond that goes both ways. If that bond going both ways breaks down, and you are experiencing difficulty in your marriage, perhaps you will seek couples counseling. I see relationship counseling for[…]

One Type of Difficulty in Marriage

One Type of Difficulty in Marriage I read the following description of a troubled marriage in Barefoot to Avalon, by David Payne. The book is an intimate look into family systems, pain, joy, dysfunction under the surface (think iceberg), and ultimately about love. There are many ways a marriage can be troubled, and this is[…]

I Had No Idea How to Deal with Anger and Conflict

I Had No Idea How to Deal with Anger and Conflict Recently I was looking at one of my journals from the early 80s when I was 20 or 21 years old. I came across an entry about an interaction with my guy of that time. It reminded that I had no idea how to[…]