“We are Spiritually Unemployed” — What Will You Do About It?

“We are Spiritually Unemployed” When thinking about the concept of “we are spiritually unemployed”, I’m talking about the definition from the Oxford Dictionary: “of, relating to, or affecting the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical things.” Another definition of spirit is related to religion, and I’m not talking about that in[…]

Marriage Interview 14: They Almost Didn’t Meet

Marriage Interview 14: They Almost Didn’t Meet November 22, 1963. President John F. Kennedy was shot and killed. The nation was in shock. People were crying. Neither Robert nor Deborah knew this date would lead to their marriage. Set up by friends of theirs, Robert and Deborah were to go on a double blind date[…]

Holding Hands — Why Not?

Holding Hands — Why Not? I went to see The St. John’s Choir of Cambridge (England) perform at Stanford Memorial Church. My husband and I sat in the balcony over the north transept, holding hands. This location provided a good spot for people watching in much of the church, as well as seeing most of[…]

Sleep Differentials Between Spouses

Sleep Differentials Between Spouses A recent New York Times article: The Lark-Owl Scale: When Couples’ Sleep Patterns Diverge, talks about each person’s innate sleep pattern, called a “sleep chronotype, an internal timing profile” and that trying to alter it to spend more time with your partner may cause difficulties in daily living. The article goes[…]

S/he’s on the Other End of the Thread

S/he’s on the Other End of the Thread A friend of mine was getting discouraged about the online dating scene. He’d been on many dates, met a lot of interesting people, met a few “duds,” (okay, a lot of them), met some women who came close, but not her. I told him, “Remember, she’s on[…]

Choose Your Beloved Daily

Choose Your Beloved Daily A colleague sent me an article about a man who chose his partner less and less each day for five years. They were both miserable in their “immature love.” As I’ve written in many of my columns, you need to choose your partner every day. And when you find yourself choosing[…]

Communal Sexual Strength and Motivation

Communal Sexual Strength and Motivation In the October issue of Psychology Today I finally found a name for something I’ve been talking to clients about for many years: it’s called communal motivation, or communal strength*. If it’s important to you, it’s important to me. No Score Keeping You give to each other willingly and you[…]

Increasing Number of Women Having Affairs

Increasing Number of Women Having Affairs I’ve noticed the trend of more women having affairs, and have been wondering about whether others had also noticed it, and what the reasons may be. I had a look around at the research and found a Bloomberg article from July 2013 that reported research from the National Opinion[…]

Marriage Interview 10: A Cross-Cultural Love Story

Marriage Interview 10: A Cross-Cultural Love Story Katja and Bob are celebrating their 44th anniversary in August. They fell in love in 1970 and got married in 1971. Serendipity Bob was a hot salesman sent over to Europe to determine where and how to expand his company’s business. He travelled without a pre-determined itinerary, and[…]

Gratitude, Repairing and Avoiding Affairs

Gratitude, Repairing and Avoiding Affairs I’m reading a novel called Hurricane Sisters, and the very successful husband has been caught having an affair, and is knocked back by the stupidity of his actions and wants to made amends and repair his marriage. Thanks He asks a longtime associate how he’s kept his long marriage: “It’s[…]