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Couples, Pre-Marital and Marriage Counseling
As human beings, we attach individual meaning to words and actions, and assume our partner shares our meaning. This leads to many miscommunications, and leave couples feeling disconnected from one another -- and not happy. We all crave connection; evolution and biology have wired this need into our brain in order to survive.
All couples have "issues" and many have problems that they would like to resolve. Typical couples counseling offers communication techniques and negotiating skills. These are great tools to have, but they are not enough. Emotional connection and presence (not fixing) is the path to healing your relationship.
As we gain greater understanding of ourselves and each other, as we slow down to listen deeply, as we attune to each other and allow our vulnerabilities to be known, healing between and within each partner begins.
I look forward to having the opportunity to know you, and am honored to be with you on the journey of healing.
- Chandrama
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Therapy Overview
Dear Client,
This letter briefly explains my psychotherapeutic orientation, what you may expect during and from therapy, and how I work with you.
My psychotherapeutic orientation is Attachment Theory, brain study, Jungian, Somatic, and Family Systems theories with an eclectic model of integrative therapies determined by individual client needs.
Attachment Theory was founded by Dr. John Bowlby, and is based on the secure relationship needed between a child and his or her primary caregiver. Research has shown that adults need a secure attachment with their partner or spouse. Briefly, this means "I know my partner has my back. I seek comfort and sex from my partner, and this allows for home to be a haven and a secure base from which to venture successfully out into the world." It is an old and outdated view that couples should not be "dependent" on one another. It has been shown that we have a biological and evolutionary need for healthy dependency on our partner.
Amazing research into the brain and the success of psychotherapy to "rewire" the neural pathways of the brain are being done by several well known doctors including Dr. Daniel Siegel (Interpersonal Neurobiology), Dr. Cozolino (The Neurobiology of Psychotherapy), and others. This research confirms the science, through MRI studies among others, of the effects of psychotherapy and healthy attachment on couples.
The Jungian approach is underscored by an individual's drive to wholeness of mind, body, and spirit. The emphasis is on integrating opposites within us, identifying our own strengths and weaknesses as a lifelong process of growth. Recognizing both the personal and universal aspects of our life experiences helps us understand we are not alone in our joys and struggles. As we courageously face parts of ourselves that we have tried to reject, we make room to more fully experience life. Jung believed that spirituality is essential for healing. I honor and respect how you practice and live your spirituality. If you don?t have spiritual beliefs, I respect that as well.
Somatic psychotherapy is based on the belief that the body carries our memories; there is tremendous potential for healing and growth by accessing and integrating our body with our mind, spirit, and soul. There are many specific Somatic approaches. The main thing I want you to know is that Somatic psychotherapy, as well as any therapeutic method I may use, is used within a trusting environment that respects personal and professional boundaries.
Family Systems theory may be most easily described by this image: A family as a mobile, seeking balance. Each family member has a role to play to keep the mobile balanced. Any change disrupts the mobile, causing it to flail and wobble; the rest of the family will seek to regain stasis. As adults, individually or in a couple, most are still affected by family of origin systems.
Dreams, guided imagery, writing, Connect2 Personality Mapping, art, meditation and/or other modalities may make sense for a given person in a specific instance.
Psychotherapy is a journey and I am on the journey with you; you are not alone. I trust in the process of therapy, which means I have trust in you and in the work we do together. I am focused and present with you. I support you as you explore yourself and your life. In each therapy session I work with the topics that you bring to the sanctity of the therapeutic relationship. I ask questions to clarify what you?re saying, and offer comments when it seems useful. At times I may provide an educational component.
In order for you to gain the most from therapy, there a few very important things that I expect from you. I expect full disclosure; anything less hinders your progress. You will need to be patient. I will encourage you to some physical activity. I expect you to talk with me about how you feel about me, and about the work we are doing.
The process of therapy can uncover painful issues that may cause disruption in any area of your life, as well as with important people in your life, including your spouse or partner, family, and friends. Things may seem worse for a time before they get better. I will be with you through the difficult times and celebrate with you as you grow toward wholeness.
Please feel free to ask questions at any time. This process is for you.
Best, Chandrama
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