Author: chandrama
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“Say something once, why say it again?”
-Talking Heads I recently came across two important tools for communication. One of them is STOP – Stop, think, observe, proceed. The second one is from Craig Ferguson and has three questions to ask yourself: “Does this need to be said?” “Does this need to be said by me?” “Does this need to be said…
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Princess Diana: “There were three of us in this marriage, so it was a bit crowded.”
In Princess Diana’s case, the ‘third’ was another woman. The clinical term for ‘thirds’ is triangulation. Imagine a triangle in which the two of you are each a point, and someone or something else is the third point. Meaning you’re not prioritizing one another since you’re focused on someone or something else. Unfortunately, in many…
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Couples and Premarital: Parallel Living: What to Do
I received an email thanking me for writing [https://www.paloaltoonline.com/blogs/p/2016/01/28/signs-and-symptoms-of-parallel-living Signs and Symptoms of Parallel Living]. She recognized it in her marriage, and asked me what to do. Here are the steps: Write down 10 feelings you have about it. Here are a few that you might be feeling:a. Lonelyb. Sadc. Confusedd. Angry (always look for…
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“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship . . .
. . . that makes unhappy marriages.” Friedrich Nietzsche Despite the wonderful Beatles song, [https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=all+you+need+is+love+beatles All You Need is Love], I’ll throw my lot in with Nietzsche at this point in my life. Don’t get me wrong, among other things, love is . . . Amazing Critically important Body, mind, spirit, and soul deep Accepting…
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“A happy marriage is . . .
. . . a long conversation which always seems too short.” Andre Maurois I love this quote for a few reasons. First, let’s look at a couple of definitions: “The noun conversation comes from the Old French word of the same spelling, meaning “manner of conducting oneself in the world.” When you have a conversation…
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“Breaking the Silence . . . Why Openness About Your Sex Life . . .
. . . is the Best Medicine for Your Health, Relationships, and Overall Happiness” -Moshe Kedan, MD I’m going to share another deeply personal story with you, readers. Notes: 1. All of Kedan’s wisdom goes for straight and LGBTQ+ folks. 2. If you are in an abusive relationship physically, mentally or emotionally, this is NOT…
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I’m Thinking . . . I’m Not Thinking . . .
-Writing Exercise developed by Natalie Goldberg Dear Readers, I’m going to share an exercise I did while in therapy myself many, many years ago. I hope by being transparent and showing you my vulnerabilities, it will help you in some way on your own journey. Today I feel whole, integrated, and have a lot of…
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“A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who won’t give up on each other.”
Thanks, Kate Stewart, for that quote. No one is perfect. Shooting for perfection takes too much time and energy away from your life. Do things very well; care and work hard, maybe even go above and beyond–to a point. Stop short of perfection and enjoy life. (Ask yourself what is underneath seeking perfection. Was it…
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Premarital and Couples: Trump Paid $750 in Taxes
At our house, we believe that black lives matter. We believe it’s time to end racism and sexism. We believe that all people matter and it’s time to end hate. What happens if you are a couple divided about politics? What happens if you read in the NY Times that Trump paid $750 in taxes…