How to Do a Systems Review of Your Relationship

I’ve seen a lot of couples over the years that want to “fix” their marriage. They mostly want to continue doing exactly what they’ve been doing, and somehow have a different outcome. They often figure that if the other person shapes up, all will be well. You both recognize that certain things are not working[…]

“A happy marriage is . . .

. . . a long conversation which always seems too short.” Andre Maurois I love this quote for a few reasons. First, let’s look at a couple of definitions: “The noun conversation comes from the Old French word of the same spelling, meaning “manner of conducting oneself in the world.” When you have a conversation[…]

What Are You Thankful for About Your Partner?

What Are You Thankful for About Your Partner? I love Thanksgiving, because it’s about family, friends, and food. It’s a good time to reflect on what we have to be thankful and grateful for. I am thankful for you, my readers. I hope what I write helps you a bit in your relationship. I am[…]

Say Yes or No?

Say Yes or No? I often hear from clients that your partner doesn’t want to do things with you that they’re not interested in. You get to say yes or no. How does that work with the idea of being in each other’s care, and doing the best thing for the relationship? My husband is[…]

Relationship Baggage or “Emo Crap”

Relationship Baggage or “Emo Crap” Whether or not you believe in the “California woo-woo thing,” as Elaine Taylor wrote in her story, A Karmic Pact Fulfilled: I Got the Love I Gave (posted on The Dallas Morning News), she describes so well why we need to work through our childhood issues in order to have[…]

Sleep Differentials Between Spouses

Sleep Differentials Between Spouses A recent New York Times article: The Lark-Owl Scale: When Couples’ Sleep Patterns Diverge, talks about each person’s innate sleep pattern, called a “sleep chronotype, an internal timing profile” and that trying to alter it to spend more time with your partner may cause difficulties in daily living. The article goes[…]

Five Do’s and Don’ts for Surviving Miscarriage

Five Do’s and Don’ts for Surviving Miscarriage Fit Pregnancy magazine recently asked for my expert opinion about finding ways that miscarriage can make you stronger. It’s an excellent article; I enjoyed writing for them to help women and couples. The main point I want to make here: Women: if you’re asking yourself whether you did[…]

How Does Psychotherapy Work? Very Simply.

How Does Psychotherapy Work? Very Simply. I was recently reading “Shrunken Heads” by Gregory Lester, Ph.D., and came across these descriptions of what psychotherapy is and how it works: “Psychotherapy. . . is a treatment activity that is designed to work on the mechanisms of the human psyche in such a way as to give[…]

Marriage Interview 8: “Spit Out All the Hairballs”

Denise and Dominic met 28 years ago and have been married 27 years. A mutual friend introduced them once they were both over their divorces from marriages they made at age 20. A lovely brunch and hike ensued, and they have been a couple ever since. The early days of their relationship were long-distance, and[…]

Stuff It or Talk About It?

Stuff It or Talk About It?   I finished reading Hurricane Sisters, and the husband came home begging for forgiveness. The couple spent the whole night talking, and then agreed never to talk about his affair again, and she would take him back. Hollywood vs. Regular Lives This is the work of novels and Hollywood.[…]