Category: Couples Blog
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Body Language and Tone
In “Couple Watching” I wrote about observing couples’ communication through body language and tone. I want to clarify that we can not assume what is going on from what we see. Tone Maybe she’s talking in the ‘tone’ because she’s found that by this point in a given conversation, she can’t get his attention any…
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I Hate Cancer
I Hate Cancer! I hate cancer. I really do. Don’t you hate cancer? My lovely MIL is at the tail end of treatment; I’m her advocate with the docs and nurses and insurance company. My husband is a survivor, too, and the memories of his treatment and recovery are easily triggered. Friends and clients, my…
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Love is Sustained by Action; a Pattern of Daily Devotion
“The Five Magic Hours” (from Dr. John Gottman of the ‘Love Lab’ in Seattle) is for those of you who are busy: – Two minutes every morning, eye contact, kisses and hugs. – 20 minutes every evening to talk about your day (10 minutes to talk, and 10 minutes to listen very, very well). –…
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“It is So Much Easier to Believe than to Think; It is Astounding How Much More Believing is Done than Thinking.” James Kemper
James Kemper was an engineer working on the issues of the Mississippi River and its flooding problems in the 1920s. I am pulling this quote out of context to talk about couples, because I see how true it is in my office every day. We lose our rose-colored glasses as we get to truly know…
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“The Pure and Simple Truth is Rarely Pure and Never Simple.” Oscar Wilde
What’s the truth of a couple? It is never simple. And there are always multiple truths. That’s why the movie, “He Said, She Said” is so funny to us. We grow up in our own family, with our family’s truths; then we develop our personal truths. Next, we try to blend these with our mate,…
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You Change!
“This relationship is a mess, and I want you to change.” Now look in the mirror and repeat the above statement. Ouch! No matter how much we wish we had control over her behaviors, actions, and feelings, we don’t. We can not change him. It’s really annoying, isn’t it? Because if s/he would just do…
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Our Own Quirks
My teenager said recently that he wants a girlfriend who is smart, funny, and okay with her own quirks. How many of us are okay with our quirks? At what age did this happen? Has it happened yet? Our quirks are part of what make us unique and lovable. We all have genetic dispositions, but…
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Miscarriage
I have been pregnant seven times. I wanted two children. I have a wonderful son who will be 18 this year. My last miscarriage was two weeks before I turned 40 (which was my cut-off date for trying because I was physically and emotionally worn out from the multiple pregnancies and miscarriages). It’s shocking how…
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The Year in Review
Now that our new year’s resolution are about a month old, let’s turn to our primary relationship. What one or two things will I do better than I did in 2103 that will make my marriage stronger and healthier and happier? Let’s make a list of ideas. I’ll start: • I will purposely remember falling…
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The Year in Review
What one or two things will I do better than I did in 2103 that will make my marriage stronger and healthier and happier? Let’s make a list of ideas. I’ll start: I will purposely remember falling in love, and nurture those feelings – now! I will put his needs equally with my own, and…