Connect2 Marriage Counseling

Category: Couples Counseling

  • If You Don’t Ask, S/he Can’t Say “Yes”

    True story. An attractive, smart, single, working young woman – can you say eligible, what the heck are you waiting for — told me recently that she wishes guys would approach her and strike up a conversation. Let’s see, what do you have to lose? Maybe you’re shy. Maybe you’re a geek. Maybe she’ll say…

  • From Crazy in Love to Love of My Life

    When we were courting (yes, I know that’s an old fashioned word), we were on our best behavior without any effort. We were trying to win over our beloved. S/he was the most amazing person we’d ever met. So beautiful/handsome. So sexy. Our hearts beat faster just thinking about each other. We couldn’t wait for…

  • Couples Therapy: Professional Opinion of “Hope Springs”

    I realize that Tommy Lee Jones has been in a lot of movies. I see many movies with my teenage son, and so when I saw Meryl Streep with Tommy Lee Jones, all I could think of right off the bat was, ‘Agent K.’ I think many people wish they had a neuralyzer to use…

  • Premarital and Couples: Do you Fight, Flight, or Freeze?

    When you are triggered or flooded — i.e., upset or overwhelmed — do you fight, take flight, or freeze? These are the biologically wired-in options for humans. This has made us survive as a species. You need this tool; it also gets in your way in your relationship at times. I often see couples where…

  • Premarital and Couples: Guilt

    Guilt is a feeling of regret or remorse for something you have done wrong or badly, or when you have hurt someone. In contrast, shame is “I am bad, or I am not worthy.” Guilt, as with all of your feelings, lets you know there is something to which you need to attend. Feelings are like road signs:…

  • How to Sleep Alone (while in a relationship) — or not!

    While it is both impractical and unethical to have a side business selling double beds, it is also very tempting. I see a smaller bed as a tool for you to improve your relationship. Here are snippets from couples about big beds: I am lonely. We are disengaged. My cat/dog sleeps between us. Our child(ren) sleep…

  • Premarital and Couples: Here Be Dragons!

    I wrote about the The Four Stages of Competency, that begins with the Unconscious Incompetent, perhaps also known as our unconscious. Jung referred to it as our “shadow” side — the parts of ourselves we don’t know about, and frankly don’t want to face. When I wrote the back cover copy for my Connect2 Personality…

  • “Who we are . . . depends in part . . . on who we love.”

    One of my favorite books is “A General Theory of Love.” Lewis, Amini and Lannon write poetically about love research, and they talk about limbic resonance, limbic regulation and limbic revision. The limbic part of the brain is the emotional brain. The gist of it is this: when in proximity to one another we exchange…

  • Premarital and Couples: Thankful / Grateful / Appreciation

    Those of you who are my clients already know that I encourage you to be thankful and appreciative, even for the small things that you expect your partner to do, and to say “Thank you” often and specifically. For example., “Thank you for doing the dishes,” or “Thank you for bringing me coffee in bed,”…

  • Helping Partners Become Couples (vs. Helping Couples Become Partners)

    I was recently told that my tag line, Helping Partners Become Couples, is backwards and should be Helping Couples Become Partners. In my experience with many, many couples, they are generally good partners already. They are “good enough” co-parents, manage their careers, household, social life, finances, vacations, and other responsibilities together pretty well. Yet they are…