Category: Marriage Therapy
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Love is Sustained by Action; a Pattern of Daily Devotion
“The Five Magic Hours” (from Dr. John Gottman of the ‘Love Lab’ in Seattle) is for those of you who are busy: – Two minutes every morning, eye contact, kisses and hugs. – 20 minutes every evening to talk about your day (10 minutes to talk, and 10 minutes to listen very, very well). –…
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“It is So Much Easier to Believe than to Think; It is Astounding How Much More Believing is Done than Thinking.” James Kemper
James Kemper was an engineer working on the issues of the Mississippi River and its flooding problems in the 1920s. I am pulling this quote out of context to talk about couples, because I see how true it is in my office every day. We lose our rose-colored glasses as we get to truly know…
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Regrets?
Here’s a follow on to my last piece about focusing on today, and not waiting until tomorrow, which never comes. I received an article that was written by hospice worker Bonnie Ware; she lists the Top Five Regrets of The Dying (which is now a book: www.hayhouse.com/the-top-five-regrets-of-the-dying). Here’s the list without her detailed explanations: “1.…
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Today is Yesterday’s Tomorrow
Aside from being questionably deeply philosophical, there are practical considerations for couples in this statement. “I’ll work on our marriage tomorrow.” Unfortunately for many couples, they wait six years – yes, six years – before getting help. That is definitely enough time for rose-colored glasses to become clear and then brown (you do know what…
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“If You Don’t Know, You Know: No”
I read this quote recently (and don’t remember where; sorry, author), and it hit a nerve with me. How hard is it to say “No”? Pretty difficult for some of us, especially in certain situations. Overly easy for others. It also may be difficult to have “No” be a complete sentence. We may feel we…
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“The Pure and Simple Truth is Rarely Pure and Never Simple.” Oscar Wilde
What’s the truth of a couple? It is never simple. And there are always multiple truths. That’s why the movie, “He Said, She Said” is so funny to us. We grow up in our own family, with our family’s truths; then we develop our personal truths. Next, we try to blend these with our mate,…
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Beware Difficult Topic: Death of a Child
For some reason, a lot of the books I’ve recently been picking to read on my Kindle end up being about or including the death of a child. Go ahead, and click away now if you want – it is every parent’s worst nightmare. It also is an important part of my work where couples…
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You Change!
“This relationship is a mess, and I want you to change.” Now look in the mirror and repeat the above statement. Ouch! No matter how much we wish we had control over her behaviors, actions, and feelings, we don’t. We can not change him. It’s really annoying, isn’t it? Because if s/he would just do…
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“What Are You Doing that is Keeping Love at Bay?”
I read this question by Marianne Williamson (she’s the one who wrote the quote often attributed to Nelson Mandela about letting our light shine in the world), and she means it in a kind and growth-oriented way (not in a self-blaming way). She says she knows you know the answer. And people say to her,…
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Time Change
We’re getting an extra hour of daylight at the end of the day (even though we’re losing it from the morning). I do not want you to work for another hour a day. I want you to spend time with your beloved (without devices). Go for a walk or bike ride, have a meal together,…