Category: Power
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You’re Not Doing it Right!
Dear Chandrama, My husband does things that drive me crazy, and I want him to stop! For example, he reloads the dishwasher, tells me where to turn when I’m driving, criticizes the way I chop vegetables, and doesn’t want me to help put his tools away. Why does he treat me like I’m stupid and…
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The Grace of Nelson Mandela: An Example for Couples
The more I read about Mandela, the more I am impressed by his grace and humility. He initiated healing – and connecting – conversations with many people and organizations that caused great harm to a nation, a people, and to him, personally. He sets a great example for how couples can treat each other: To…
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The Changing American Family
How is your family configured? Are you still married to your first spouse? Do you have children from multiple marriages? Are you a blended family? Are you a single mom by choice? Are you a same gender family? Are you single by choice? Are you a couple without kids? Did you have trouble with fertility?…
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Doghouse
If you’re in the doghouse, or you put your partner in the doghouse, I encourage BOTH of you to work on getting him/her out. I know this seems contrary to putting your beloved in the doghouse. When we’re a couple, we’re in this together, and we have to work together to keep a healthy, happy…
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When Donating to Relief Efforts, Gets Kids Involved
If you choose to make a donation to help with relief efforts in the Philippines, or other places, or to donate food to Second Harvest Food Bank, get your kids involved. On Couple’s Net I will be advocating couple time: time without your kids (and not even talking about them) to build or rebuild your…
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Love Means Having Someone to Lose: Engineers Not Exempt
Formula 1 race driver and World champion Niki Lauda reminds me of a lot of Silicon Valley engineers I’ve met. I saw the movie ‘Rush’ a few days ago with my teenage son, and I was struck by Lauda’s brilliance, calculated risk-taking, and execution (I promise I won’t spoil the plot for you). Lauda initially…
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From Crazy in Love to Love of My Life
When we were courting (yes, I know that’s an old fashioned word), we were on our best behavior without any effort. We were trying to win over our beloved. S/he was the most amazing person we’d ever met. So beautiful/handsome. So sexy. Our hearts beat faster just thinking about each other. We couldn’t wait for…
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What’s Your Story?
If you are like many couples, you may think and act as if your partner learned and experienced life exactly as you did. And therefore should react in the “right,” “normal,” or “expected” way. Are you surprised, incensed, or astounded at how he or she reacts to behavior or words that seems different than what you…
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Stay Together or End the Relationship? Independence or Interdependence?
Remember, it’s your decision. Not your therapist’s, your friends’, or your family. There are so many factors to consider. Maybe the bottom line is . . . Stay if: -You can make it a safe and healthy environment for you and your kids. -Once, there was a secure attachment, i.e., connection between you and your…
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Premarital and Couples: Guilt
Guilt is a feeling of regret or remorse for something you have done wrong or badly, or when you have hurt someone. In contrast, shame is “I am bad, or I am not worthy.” Guilt, as with all of your feelings, lets you know there is something to which you need to attend. Feelings are like road signs:…