Category: Pre-marital Counselor
-
Doghouse
If you’re in the doghouse, or you put your partner in the doghouse, I encourage BOTH of you to work on getting him/her out. I know this seems contrary to putting your beloved in the doghouse. When we’re a couple, we’re in this together, and we have to work together to keep a healthy, happy…
-
Neuroplasticity: Ask for a Change
I’ve been writing a lot recently about looking at ourselves and making changes in our own behavior (which is in our scope of influence ). I know some of you are wondering when I’m going to talk about changing HIM or HER. I know this because people call and email me every day asking how…
-
What’s Missing? Tips and Experiments.
If you’re like me, and most people, your first answer to what is missing in your relationship is to look at what your partner is or isn’t doing. And it’s certainly important to ask for change from your spouse for the health of your marriage; please ask kindly. Now ask yourself the harder question, maybe…
-
The Valley of Heart’s Delight
The Valley of Heart’s Delight What is now Silicon Valley was originally known as The Valley of Heart’s Delight for its concentration of orchards, flowering trees, and plants. Until the 1960s it was the largest fruit production region in the world. Picture that . . . imagine the scent . . . When I came…
-
Devices are Definitely Not Sexy
They may look sexy, but they are a turn-off to your partner. S/he looks over to give you a “Hey, how about it?” look, and you miss it completely because you’re looking at . . . your device. I am told by men and women on a daily basis that they feel ignored/unseen/unheard because their…
-
Here Come the Holidays: Get Couple-Ready
While this may be a time of family, love, thanks, giving, cheer, good food, and relaxing around the fireplace with good friends, it also may be a time of stress, high and/or differing expectations, extra activities, shopping, family drama, disappointment, and mixed signals. This would be an especially good time to get on the same…
-
A World Series Example: Be Explicit
Game one, second inning; St. Louis’s Wainwright pitching, high pop up. Looks like he signals that he’ll catch it. Catcher Molina comes running up, but defers to Wainwright’s “signal.” They are standing a few feet apart. Either one could easily catch it. The ball falls to the ground between them. Thud. Runner goes to first.…
-
Go Ahead, Have a Fight
Many disagreements come about because we don’t understand our partner’s intention, and s/he does not anticipate the impact that action or behavior will have on me. We have to remember that s/he did not grow up in our family, and s/he is not going to act “right” [meaning the way we expect or want] at…
-
Love Means Having Someone to Lose: Engineers Not Exempt
Formula 1 race driver and World champion Niki Lauda reminds me of a lot of Silicon Valley engineers I’ve met. I saw the movie ‘Rush’ a few days ago with my teenage son, and I was struck by Lauda’s brilliance, calculated risk-taking, and execution (I promise I won’t spoil the plot for you). Lauda initially…
-
If You Don’t Ask, S/he Can’t Say “Yes”
True story. An attractive, smart, single, working young woman – can you say eligible, what the heck are you waiting for — told me recently that she wishes guys would approach her and strike up a conversation. Let’s see, what do you have to lose? Maybe you’re shy. Maybe you’re a geek. Maybe she’ll say…