Category: Relationship Counseling
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Thinking of Sending Your Kids to Therapy?
Before you send your kids to therapy, consider coming to couples counseling first. How come? The time, energy, and money you spend will go directly to your well-being and happiness as individuals, a couple, and as a family. Often, issues with kids end up getting sorted out as you become a stronger couple and have…
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Why Does She Keep Interrupting Me?
Interruption, or Bid for Connection? Are you busy, working away, or engrossed in some project and your wife tends to come in and “interrupt” you with a detail that seems unimportant to you? She’s probably actually trying to connect with you. Remember that we are wired for connection (I know, I keep saying this). Connection…
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My Wife Thinks I am Keeping Secrets . . .
Dear Chandrama, My wife thinks I am keeping secrets from her. I am just trying to protect her. I had a challenging upbringing; hers was protected. That innocence attracted me to her, plus she is smart and attractive and we’re like-minded on many issues and values. What am I doing wrong? Dear What am I…
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I want to change my life . . .
Dear Chandrama, I want to change my life and I’m finding it hard to do. I am scared, and realize that in some areas I am stuck in my ways. My husband wants me to change, too. Any advice? Stuck Dear Stuck, What a personal and universal question you have asked. In “New Life, No…
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All This Arguing . . .
. . . fighting, disagreeing is actually a primal cry for connection. We are biologically wired to NEED a secure connection with another adult (defined as: be responded to with empathy, know we have each others’ back, seek comfort and sex from one another, create a home that is a haven and gives us strength…
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“Everything has a Crack. That’s How the Light Gets In.”
Our marriage is not perfect; our partner can not fulfill all of our needs (yet may fill many); our children are not the reflected best aspects of ourselves – and neither should they be. The goal is for “Good Enough,” and I mean that in a psychological sense, not in a tepid, adequate, “Oh who…
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Love is Sustained by Action; a Pattern of Daily Devotion
“The Five Magic Hours” (from Dr. John Gottman of the ‘Love Lab’ in Seattle) is for those of you who are busy: – Two minutes every morning, eye contact, kisses and hugs. – 20 minutes every evening to talk about your day (10 minutes to talk, and 10 minutes to listen very, very well). –…
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Regrets?
Here’s a follow on to my last piece about focusing on today, and not waiting until tomorrow, which never comes. I received an article that was written by hospice worker Bonnie Ware; she lists the Top Five Regrets of The Dying (which is now a book: www.hayhouse.com/the-top-five-regrets-of-the-dying). Here’s the list without her detailed explanations: “1.…
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Today is Yesterday’s Tomorrow
Aside from being questionably deeply philosophical, there are practical considerations for couples in this statement. “I’ll work on our marriage tomorrow.” Unfortunately for many couples, they wait six years – yes, six years – before getting help. That is definitely enough time for rose-colored glasses to become clear and then brown (you do know what…
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“If You Don’t Know, You Know: No”
I read this quote recently (and don’t remember where; sorry, author), and it hit a nerve with me. How hard is it to say “No”? Pretty difficult for some of us, especially in certain situations. Overly easy for others. It also may be difficult to have “No” be a complete sentence. We may feel we…