Category: Science of Love
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Devices are Definitely Not Sexy
They may look sexy, but they are a turn-off to your partner. S/he looks over to give you a “Hey, how about it?” look, and you miss it completely because you’re looking at . . . your device. I am told by men and women on a daily basis that they feel ignored/unseen/unheard because their…
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Here Come the Holidays: Get Couple-Ready
While this may be a time of family, love, thanks, giving, cheer, good food, and relaxing around the fireplace with good friends, it also may be a time of stress, high and/or differing expectations, extra activities, shopping, family drama, disappointment, and mixed signals. This would be an especially good time to get on the same…
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From Crazy in Love to Love of My Life
When we were courting (yes, I know that’s an old fashioned word), we were on our best behavior without any effort. We were trying to win over our beloved. S/he was the most amazing person we’d ever met. So beautiful/handsome. So sexy. Our hearts beat faster just thinking about each other. We couldn’t wait for…
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Emotional Forensics
If you’ve watched a crime show or read a mystery, you know the investigator looks at the crime and then works his or her way back to figure out what happened, and thereby solve the crime. I am suggesting that you do emotional forensics on yourself (and not on your partner — let him or…
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Personal Weather Report (TM)
Your partner can not read your mind, and my husband can not read mine, either. You actually have to say what’s on your mind. One homework exercise I like to give is to have couples give each other a Personal Weather Report (TM) once or twice a day. This is also helpful in finding specific…
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What’s Your Story?
If you are like many couples, you may think and act as if your partner learned and experienced life exactly as you did. And therefore should react in the “right,” “normal,” or “expected” way. Are you surprised, incensed, or astounded at how he or she reacts to behavior or words that seems different than what you…
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“Who we are . . . depends in part . . . on who we love.”
One of my favorite books is “A General Theory of Love.” Lewis, Amini and Lannon write poetically about love research, and they talk about limbic resonance, limbic regulation and limbic revision. The limbic part of the brain is the emotional brain. The gist of it is this: when in proximity to one another we exchange…
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Get Real
“Be grateful for every scar life inflicts on you. Where we’re unhurt is where we are false. Where we’re ==I wounded and healed== [my italics] is where our real self gets to show itself. That’s where you get to show who you are,” wrote Sara Gran, in her New Orleans mystery ==I Claire DeWitt and…
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Three Top Tips for a Tip Top Couple
Three Top Tips for a Tip Top Couple 1. Be a couple first and parents a close second. A husband once told me that his wife had gone from being a babe to having a babe. Keep your couple identity alive and well. Have a date night once a week and don’t talk about your…