Category: Tools and Tips
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I want to change my life . . .
Dear Chandrama, I want to change my life and I’m finding it hard to do. I am scared, and realize that in some areas I am stuck in my ways. My husband wants me to change, too. Any advice? Stuck Dear Stuck, What a personal and universal question you have asked. In “New Life, No…
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Love is Sustained by Action; a Pattern of Daily Devotion
“The Five Magic Hours” (from Dr. John Gottman of the ‘Love Lab’ in Seattle) is for those of you who are busy: – Two minutes every morning, eye contact, kisses and hugs. – 20 minutes every evening to talk about your day (10 minutes to talk, and 10 minutes to listen very, very well). –…
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“If You Don’t Know, You Know: No”
I read this quote recently (and don’t remember where; sorry, author), and it hit a nerve with me. How hard is it to say “No”? Pretty difficult for some of us, especially in certain situations. Overly easy for others. It also may be difficult to have “No” be a complete sentence. We may feel we…
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Beware Difficult Topic: Death of a Child
For some reason, a lot of the books I’ve recently been picking to read on my Kindle end up being about or including the death of a child. Go ahead, and click away now if you want – it is every parent’s worst nightmare. It also is an important part of my work where couples…
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Valentine’s Day: Pressure for Perfection
Valentine’s Day is supposed to be about love and romance. It may be great pressure for gift buying and giving, and for doing things for your beloved. In the construct of The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman, Valentine’s Day is good for those whose Love language is Gifts or Acts of Service. If your…
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You’re Not Doing it Right!
Dear Chandrama, My husband does things that drive me crazy, and I want him to stop! For example, he reloads the dishwasher, tells me where to turn when I’m driving, criticizes the way I chop vegetables, and doesn’t want me to help put his tools away. Why does he treat me like I’m stupid and…
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Grief and the Holidays
All the hubaloo around Christmas and New Year celebrations can be so painful or irrelevant when we’re grieving the death of a loved one, a loss of a relationship, a miscarriage or infertility, a job. It’s so hard to imagine that people are joyous, and that life is moving along — so quickly, while we…
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If You Don’t Ask, S/he Can’t Say “Yes”
True story. An attractive, smart, single, working young woman – can you say eligible, what the heck are you waiting for — told me recently that she wishes guys would approach her and strike up a conversation. Let’s see, what do you have to lose? Maybe you’re shy. Maybe you’re a geek. Maybe she’ll say…
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From Crazy in Love to Love of My Life
When we were courting (yes, I know that’s an old fashioned word), we were on our best behavior without any effort. We were trying to win over our beloved. S/he was the most amazing person we’d ever met. So beautiful/handsome. So sexy. Our hearts beat faster just thinking about each other. We couldn’t wait for…
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Emotional Forensics
If you’ve watched a crime show or read a mystery, you know the investigator looks at the crime and then works his or her way back to figure out what happened, and thereby solve the crime. I am suggesting that you do emotional forensics on yourself (and not on your partner — let him or…