Connect2 Marriage Counseling

Category: Tools and Tips

  • Personal Weather Report (TM)

    Your partner can not read your mind, and my husband can not read mine, either. You actually have to say what’s on your mind. One homework exercise I like to give is to have couples give each other a Personal Weather Report (TM) once or twice a day. This is also helpful in finding specific…

  • What’s Your Story?

    If you are like many couples, you may think and act as if your partner learned and experienced life exactly as you did. And therefore should react in the “right,” “normal,” or “expected” way. Are you surprised, incensed, or astounded at how he or she reacts to behavior or words that seems different than what you…

  • The Long Form of Yes or No

    Isn’t is hard to just say “Yes” or “No”? Just notice, over the next week or so, how you answer questions that could simply have Yes or No as an answer. Notice when you do say Yes or No, and what situation is going on in which you go into a long explanation for Yes…

  • Stay Together or End the Relationship? Independence or Interdependence?

    Remember, it’s your decision. Not your therapist’s, your friends’, or your family. There are so many factors to consider. Maybe the bottom line is . . . Stay if: -You can make it a safe and healthy environment for you and your kids. -Once, there was a secure attachment, i.e., connection between you and your…

  • Premarital and Couples: Guilt

    Guilt is a feeling of regret or remorse for something you have done wrong or badly, or when you have hurt someone. In contrast, shame is “I am bad, or I am not worthy.” Guilt, as with all of your feelings, lets you know there is something to which you need to attend. Feelings are like road signs:…

  • How to Sleep Alone (while in a relationship) — or not!

    While it is both impractical and unethical to have a side business selling double beds, it is also very tempting. I see a smaller bed as a tool for you to improve your relationship. Here are snippets from couples about big beds: I am lonely. We are disengaged. My cat/dog sleeps between us. Our child(ren) sleep…

  • Are you Kinder to Strangers than to Your Partner?

    Is there a grain of truth to the statement “I am kinder to a stranger than I am to my partner/spouse?” If so, consider these questions: How did I get here? How long has this been true? Is this new for me, or a repeating pattern? How did I treat my partner before? What’s my…

  • Are Female Orgasms the Key to Inner Hunger in Women?

    While watching a video about gratitude on TED, I stumbled across a video of Nicole Daedone’s talk about the inner “hunger” in women; truly a cry for connection beyond shopping, errands, mothering, career, etc. Nicole has a book out and a center for sexuality that she truly believes will change the world; a woman’s self…

  • Premarital and Couples: Here Be Dragons!

    I wrote about the The Four Stages of Competency, that begins with the Unconscious Incompetent, perhaps also known as our unconscious. Jung referred to it as our “shadow” side — the parts of ourselves we don’t know about, and frankly don’t want to face. When I wrote the back cover copy for my Connect2 Personality…

  • Are We the Only Couple Having Problems?

    No, you are not. Despite how other couples look to you, you are definitely not the only one having problems. In the same way that you don’t want anyone to know your relationship is in trouble, other couples are doing the same. A few years ago I helped present a two-Saturday couples workshop with Kathryn…