Connect2 Marriage Counseling

Category: Tools and Tips

  • Premarital and Couples: Thankful / Grateful / Appreciation

    Those of you who are my clients already know that I encourage you to be thankful and appreciative, even for the small things that you expect your partner to do, and to say “Thank you” often and specifically. For example., “Thank you for doing the dishes,” or “Thank you for bringing me coffee in bed,”…

  • The Four Stages of Competency*

    I like to talk with my clients about the The Four Stages of Competency because it provides a simple structure for understanding where we are in therapy, personally or with our partner, or with one specific issue, trait, or behavior. The Four Stages of Competency are: Unconscious Incompetency Conscious Incompetency Conscious Competency Unconscious Competency Let’s…

  • Differentiating Grief from Clinical Depression

    The following information is from my book, No U-Turn at Mercy Street: A Memoir and Resource Guide for Grieving Parents. This is applicable regardless of the type of loss you have been through; a death, a divorce, a job loss, etc.   When symptoms of grieving persist as defined by abnormal behavior that threatens your mental…

  • Couples Counseling, Al Pacino Style

    I had the pleasure of listening to Pete Pearson of the Couple’s Institute in Menlo Park talk about the importance of working as a team in couple’s counseling. He showed the following video clip of Al Pacino giving an inspirational talk to his football team before a big game, and asked us to think about how it…

  • Get Real

    “Be grateful for every scar life inflicts on you. Where we’re unhurt is where we are false. Where we’re ==I wounded and healed== [my italics] is where our real self gets to show itself. That’s where you get to show who you are,” wrote Sara Gran, in her New Orleans mystery ==I Claire DeWitt and…

  • Three Top Tips for a Tip Top Couple

    Three Top Tips for a Tip Top Couple 1. Be a couple first and parents a close second. A husband once told me that his wife had gone from being a babe to having a babe. Keep your couple identity alive and well. Have a date night once a week and don’t talk about your…

  • “I Don’t Want to Say This to My Partner . . .”

    I hear this phrase from clients on a regular basis. You don’t want to say the hard things out loud. There are a number of reasons for this: I can’t not know it myself once I say it to him/her. I am afraid of hurting him/her. I feel like a bad person for feeling/thinking this. I’m…

  • Premarital and Couples: The “Right” Way to Eat an Artichoke

    At dinner recently, my husband and I were eating artichokes and having a spirited conversation, as we often do. I looked over at one point and noticed he was eating his artichoke leaves the WRONG way — he was holding the leaf with the meaty side up. I eat them with the meaty side down.…

  • Check Your Best Self at the Door

    When you embark on your day, many of you either consciously or by habit, get focused on what lies ahead.  You think about what you need to do and how you will navigate your day by bringing your best Self to the table. I’d like to propose an experiment in which you do that When You Get…

  • Marriage Maintenance

    According to research by Dr. John Gottman, who runs the “Love Lab” in Seattle, most couples wait an average of six years from the time they sense issues in their relationship before they seek help! Yikes! Who would wait that long before taking their car in to the shop? By the time couples get to…