Grief
If you’ve reached this page, most likely you or someone close to you is experiencing grief. I’m so sorry. My heartfelt condolences are with you.
It is difficult when Mom died, Dad died, your brother or sister died. A friend’s death can be just as painful since friends are often “chosen family.” It is especially painful if your child died.While death is a natural part of the cycle of life, it does not mean you are prepared for it. Even if your loved one was ill for a time, or it was a sudden death, the grief and pain you feel can cause all sorts of upheaval in your life. It is not uncommon to call everything into question: religion, God, relationships, work, meaning, purpose, and so on.
What We Know About Grief Now
Grief is not a medical, psychological, or psychiatric condition. Rather, it is a healthy response to death. There is nothing wrong with you, and there are no pills to take to make you feel better. That’s the good news. The bad news, of course, is that we are devastated and don’t know when we will function anywhere near “normal” again. And what is normal, anyway?
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ work on death and grief was revolutionary in its time as American culture was (and still is) averse to talking about death. Her book On Death and Dying (1969) described the grief in five distinct stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
But in the 40-plus years since the publication of that book, our views of death have evolved. Today we look at grief as a journey in which our deceased loved one is integrated into our ongoing life (Anderson, 2000; Hospice of Marin, 2005; The Dougy Center; Wolfelt, 1996). We remember our loved one who has died and find ways to honor them going forward. Many of us feel that we carry on their legacy in our deeds and actions. Grief is never fully “gotten over”; rather, it is integrated into the life of the living.
Research shows that time isn’t always enough to help you heal from grief. If you are concerned that you are wearing out your family and friends with your (normal) need to talk about your grief and your loved one, seek out the grief support you need.
I would be glad to talk with you about grief and provide help as you walk through your journey of grief. Please contact me at 650-847-0030 or canderson.connect2@gmail.com.
You’ll find some information by clicking on the items on the menu at the left. Also, I invite you to browse my book, No U-Turn at Mercy Street: A Memoir and Resource Guide for Grieving Parents.
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