Tag: attachment theory
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Flirtation
“To avoid mistakes and regrets, always consult your wife before engaging in a flirtation.” – E.W. Howe As Mira Kirshenbaum writes in her book, “When Good People Have Affairs: Inside the Hearts & Minds of People in Two Relationships,” we need to keep the windows and doors of our relationship shut in order to avoid…
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Marriage Underachievers
Marriage Underachievers I know no one wants to be a marriage underachiever. Would we have low standards for ourselves about our marriage? Whose standards are we using? Have we discussed what we want, what we need, as a couple? What our roles will be as husband and wife (and our view of the other as…
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I Can’t Get a Word In
I Can’t Get a Word In Sherry responded to one of my blogs with this concern about “I can’t get a word in,” [my edits included]: ” . . .Women who finish almost every sentence with ‘and’ or ‘but,’ then carry on, endlessly. The only way to get a word in is to rudely interrupt.” She also…
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Repeating and “You” Sentences
When we say or hear repeating and “you” sentences, it is a sign that we need to slow down. Repeating is a sign that we don’t feel heard, or we feel misunderstood; that our mate is brushing aside our words and the meanings behind them. So we repeat (turn up our volume) in the hopes of…
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Give More
Give More “We limit ourselves every day without even knowing it, simply by doing what we always do, falling into patterns, not pushing ourselves further. But every one of you has expressive reserves you’ve not yet discovered . . . tap into them, and go further, and give more than you ever have before .…
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See Me. Hear Me. Don’t Fix Me.
It seems so simple. How come it is so difficult to just See me. Hear me. Don’t fix me? But to see, listen and not fix is harder than to reassure or apologize. Just Get Me and Love Me for Who I Am We need to know our spouse gets us. We are competent, intelligent…
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Couples: Parallel Play or Interactive Play?
Couples: Parallel Play or Interactive Play? Are couples interacting and enjoying one another? Or are they living parallel lives, co-parenting, good roommates, going to functions, socializing, but always with others so they are not alone together? Parallel Play Young children play alone, enjoying a box as much as the gift that came in that box.…
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Kids and Marital Satisfaction
Kids and marital satisfaction have been studied a lot. Research “More than a hundred studies show that marital satisfaction falls off a cliff after the birth of the first child and doesn’t get much better until the last child leaves for college,” writes John Gartner, Ph.D in ‘Child.ol’.a.try’ in Psychology Today. Yikes! How Come Kids…
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Are You Communicating More or Less?
Are You Communicating More or Less? Isn’t it true that everywhere we go these days people are talking, texting, scrolling and swiping on devices? I find myself wondering if we had this much to say before we had these devices? I don’t recall being on our landlines telephones constantly . . . And yet, is…
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Do More, Faster and Faster. Limits? Not for Me!
Dr. Stephanie Brown, internationally renowned expert and founder of the Addictions Institute in Menlo Park talks about her latest book SPEED. Interviewed by Chandrama Anderson, MFT, with a couples focus, Stephanie talks about the desire, the lure, even, to do more, faster and faster. Limits? Not for me! As you watch the interview on the Connect2…