Connect2 Marriage Counseling

Tag: attachment theory

  • What is the New Couple’s Paradigm These Days?

    Dear Chandrama, What is the new couple’s paradigm these days? On TV and in movies one seems to see a lot of serial relationships. Almost every character is dealing with an ex, and kids, and the incumbent problems. – Curious Dear Curious, Great question. I am certain that when the majority of people say, “I…

  • Kitten Rescue

    I have been trying to rescue a feral kitten from my yard this week. It reminds me of couples wanting love and connection from one another, and yet not able to quite get it. Or maybe not being able or ready to commit to it. The kitten, whom I have taken to calling Buster, is…

  • Premarital and Couples: Do you Fight, Flight, or Freeze?

    When you are triggered or flooded — i.e., upset or overwhelmed — do you fight, take flight, or freeze? These are the biologically wired-in options for humans. This has made us survive as a species. You need this tool; it also gets in your way in your relationship at times. I often see couples where…

  • Premarital and Couples: Here Be Dragons!

    I wrote about the The Four Stages of Competency, that begins with the Unconscious Incompetent, perhaps also known as our unconscious. Jung referred to it as our “shadow” side — the parts of ourselves we don’t know about, and frankly don’t want to face. When I wrote the back cover copy for my Connect2 Personality…

  • Premarital and Couples: Permanent Record

    We had dinner with our friends recently and learned that their son kept a “Permanent Record” of things his parents had done wrong during his childhood (e.g., they never had a dog). While it was funny, and piece of their family fabric and storytelling, the sad truth is that many of you keep a Permanent…

  • Marriage Maintenance

    According to research by Dr. John Gottman, who runs the “Love Lab” in Seattle, most couples wait an average of six years from the time they sense issues in their relationship before they seek help! Yikes! Who would wait that long before taking their car in to the shop? By the time couples get to…

  • “The Art of Racing in the Rain” by Garth Stein

    I recently read The Art of Racing in the Rain for the second time, and liked it just as much as I did the first time. It is a bitter-sweet story that is very well written. If you can’t relate to cars or driving at all, it may not be the book for you —…

  • Twin Babies Talking: Early Communication Patterns Can Be Changed

    Check out this video on YouTube of baby twins “talking” to one another. As you’re watching, think about how you communicate with your partner. Here are a few things to notice: Take away the words you speak and put in “Blah, blah, blah” How and where you stand, how you use your body How much “air-time”…

  • Premarital and Couples: How to Stop an Argument

    How to Stop An Argument Follow these simple steps to stop an argument: 1. Close your mouth (really, it works! But read on . . . ). 2. Make the “T” for time-out signal with your hands. 3. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt (his/her intention is useful, even if the impact on…

  • Premarital and Couples: Trust Walk

    A trust walk is a process between two people in which one person has his or her eyes closed (or blind-folded), and the other leads them on a walk. The eyes-open person has to be explicit in his/her verbals instructions to avoid any and all obstacles, e.g.”There’s a tree root sticking up a few inches…