Tag: Beginning couples therapy
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Accept Life Unquestioningly
“Life has no other discipline to impose, if we would but realize it, then to accept life unquestioningly. Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate or despise, serves to defeat us in the end. What seems nasty, painful, evil, can become a source of beauty, joy and…
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How Does Psychotherapy Work? Very Simply.
How Does Psychotherapy Work? Very Simply. I was recently reading “Shrunken Heads” by Gregory Lester, Ph.D., and came across these descriptions of what psychotherapy is and how it works: “Psychotherapy. . . is a treatment activity that is designed to work on the mechanisms of the human psyche in such a way as to give…
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Marriage Interview 9: Make a Date to Have Sex
. . . And Deeply Understand Yourself and Your Partner Make a Date to Have Sex Jessica and Steve just celebrated their 25th anniversary. Steve is 72 and Jessica is 68. They met in 1989 at Hobee’s in Town and Country (incidentally where we met for coffee at Peet’s,) after finding one another through ads…
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Her Latest Lesbian Lover is the Wife of one our Mutual Male Friends
Her Latest Lesbian Lover is the Wife of one our Mutual Male Friends Jerry posted what you will read below as a comment on a previous column, and a discussion ensued there. Because there are so many layers to it, and many are common to affairs, I wanted to write about it as a separate column.…
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Marriage Interview 8: “Spit Out All the Hairballs”
Denise and Dominic met 28 years ago and have been married 27 years. A mutual friend introduced them once they were both over their divorces from marriages they made at age 20. A lovely brunch and hike ensued, and they have been a couple ever since. The early days of their relationship were long-distance, and…
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She Doesn’t Want Sex; He Doesn’t Want to Talk, Part II
She Doesn’t Want Sex; He Doesn’t Want to Talk, Part IISilence I purposely left silence last week because that is what can happen when not talking and not having sex go on for a while. That silence gets filled with logistics, focus on kids and extended family, schedules, vacation planning, time with other couples, and…
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Gratitude, Repairing and Avoiding Affairs
Gratitude, Repairing and Avoiding Affairs I’m reading a novel called Hurricane Sisters, and the very successful husband has been caught having an affair, and is knocked back by the stupidity of his actions and wants to made amends and repair his marriage. Thanks He asks a longtime associate how he’s kept his long marriage: “It’s…
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The Grass is Greener Where You Water It
The Grass is Greener Where You Water It I saw this quote at the Y, and thought it is so fitting for relationships. It is up to us to water the grass within our relationship. Here are several suggestions: – Giving to our beloved in his or her Love Language (Quality Time, Touch, Acts of Service,…
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Marriage Interview 6: Blind to Clutter
Marriage Interview 6: Blind to Clutter Mandy and Sam met in college in 1988 and began dating a year later. They waited 15 years before getting married, and now have been married for 13 years. Clutter One of their biggest problems is that Sam is “clutter-blind.” I know a lot of you have the same…
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Follow-up to a Love Script
Follow-up to a Love Script Earlier I posted A Love Script, A Dyadic Encounter: Arthur Aron’s 36 questions to answer with another person in order to fall in love. On my February vacation, I asked my husband if he would be willing to go through the questions with me, both to write about here, and…