Tag: communicating
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Couples Therapy: Professional Opinion of “Hope Springs”
I realize that Tommy Lee Jones has been in a lot of movies. I see many movies with my teenage son, and so when I saw Meryl Streep with Tommy Lee Jones, all I could think of right off the bat was, ‘Agent K.’ I think many people wish they had a neuralyzer to use…
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Premarital and Couples: Do you Fight, Flight, or Freeze?
When you are triggered or flooded — i.e., upset or overwhelmed — do you fight, take flight, or freeze? These are the biologically wired-in options for humans. This has made us survive as a species. You need this tool; it also gets in your way in your relationship at times. I often see couples where…
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Premarital and Couples: Here Be Dragons!
I wrote about the The Four Stages of Competency, that begins with the Unconscious Incompetent, perhaps also known as our unconscious. Jung referred to it as our “shadow” side — the parts of ourselves we don’t know about, and frankly don’t want to face. When I wrote the back cover copy for my Connect2 Personality…
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Couples Counseling, Al Pacino Style
I had the pleasure of listening to Pete Pearson of the Couple’s Institute in Menlo Park talk about the importance of working as a team in couple’s counseling. He showed the following video clip of Al Pacino giving an inspirational talk to his football team before a big game, and asked us to think about how it…
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Premarital and Couples: Permanent Record
We had dinner with our friends recently and learned that their son kept a “Permanent Record” of things his parents had done wrong during his childhood (e.g., they never had a dog). While it was funny, and piece of their family fabric and storytelling, the sad truth is that many of you keep a Permanent…
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“The Art of Racing in the Rain” by Garth Stein
I recently read The Art of Racing in the Rain for the second time, and liked it just as much as I did the first time. It is a bitter-sweet story that is very well written. If you can’t relate to cars or driving at all, it may not be the book for you —…
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Twin Babies Talking: Early Communication Patterns Can Be Changed
Check out this video on YouTube of baby twins “talking” to one another. As you’re watching, think about how you communicate with your partner. Here are a few things to notice: Take away the words you speak and put in “Blah, blah, blah” How and where you stand, how you use your body How much “air-time”…
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Premarital and Couples: “Our Deepest Fear” by Marianne Williamson
What is your deepest fear? As you read the quote below, please be thinking about yourself, your partner, and your relationship. What does this mean to you? What does it remind you of? How does it apply? How do you hold back? Come forward? Be authentic? “Our Deepest Fear Our deepest fear is not that we…
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Premarital and Couples: How to Stop an Argument
How to Stop An Argument Follow these simple steps to stop an argument: 1. Close your mouth (really, it works! But read on . . . ). 2. Make the “T” for time-out signal with your hands. 3. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt (his/her intention is useful, even if the impact on…
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Valentine’s Day: Annually or Daily?
Valentine’s Day, a very commercialized version of “I love you, I’m thinking of you, you’re the most important person to me,” was three months ago now. Those thoughts are the bedrock of secure attachment. Roses are back to their regular price, jewelry stores are on to their next promotion, and restaurants are serving specials by…