Tag: respect
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Marriage Underachievers
Marriage Underachievers I know no one wants to be a marriage underachiever. Would we have low standards for ourselves about our marriage? Whose standards are we using? Have we discussed what we want, what we need, as a couple? What our roles will be as husband and wife (and our view of the other as…
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Personal Weather Report (TM)
Your partner can not read your mind, and my husband can not read mine, either. You actually have to say what’s on your mind. One homework exercise I like to give is to have couples give each other a Personal Weather Report (TM) once or twice a day. This is also helpful in finding specific…
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Couples Therapy: Professional Opinion of “Hope Springs”
I realize that Tommy Lee Jones has been in a lot of movies. I see many movies with my teenage son, and so when I saw Meryl Streep with Tommy Lee Jones, all I could think of right off the bat was, ‘Agent K.’ I think many people wish they had a neuralyzer to use…
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Premarital and Couples: Do you Fight, Flight, or Freeze?
When you are triggered or flooded — i.e., upset or overwhelmed — do you fight, take flight, or freeze? These are the biologically wired-in options for humans. This has made us survive as a species. You need this tool; it also gets in your way in your relationship at times. I often see couples where…
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Premarital and Couples: Permanent Record
We had dinner with our friends recently and learned that their son kept a “Permanent Record” of things his parents had done wrong during his childhood (e.g., they never had a dog). While it was funny, and piece of their family fabric and storytelling, the sad truth is that many of you keep a Permanent…
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Marriage Maintenance
According to research by Dr. John Gottman, who runs the “Love Lab” in Seattle, most couples wait an average of six years from the time they sense issues in their relationship before they seek help! Yikes! Who would wait that long before taking their car in to the shop? By the time couples get to…
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“The Art of Racing in the Rain” by Garth Stein
I recently read The Art of Racing in the Rain for the second time, and liked it just as much as I did the first time. It is a bitter-sweet story that is very well written. If you can’t relate to cars or driving at all, it may not be the book for you —…
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Premarital and Couples: Musings on Life
Musings on Life As I sit in my living room, I hear so many different sounds: my dog’s breath as he sleeps by my side, the antique German clock ticking, Caltrain on the rails, songbirds and squirrels in the oak trees, the newspaper rattling in my love’s hands, cars and motorcycles on their way to destinations unknown…
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Premarital and Couples: “Our Deepest Fear” by Marianne Williamson
What is your deepest fear? As you read the quote below, please be thinking about yourself, your partner, and your relationship. What does this mean to you? What does it remind you of? How does it apply? How do you hold back? Come forward? Be authentic? “Our Deepest Fear Our deepest fear is not that we…
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Premarital and Couples: An Affair Myth: Not Getting Enough at Home
In her book NOT “Just Friends” Shirley Glass, Ph.D. writes about the research she has conducted about affairs. One result blows away an old myth: That the person having the affair wasn’t getting enough at home. The truth is that the person having an affair wasn’t GIVING enough at home. When you are giving to your…