Author: chandrama
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Device-Free Zones/Times
Dear Chandrama, If we’re having device-free time and device-free places (including TV) in order to spend couples time together, what do we do? — Doesn’t Like Change Dear Doesn’t Like Change, Change is hard. Most of us don’t want to change until the pain of not changing is worse than the fear of change. I’m…
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Lifelong Marriage?
What do we need to make our marriage last our lifetime? Committed and Wondering Dear Committed and Wondering, Good for you for thinking about this now. Most people spend lots of time planning their wedding, and then don’t plan their marriage. In fact, many people don’t work on their relationship at all! What can we…
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Miscarriage Advice
Hello, I read a beautiful piece you wrote about miscarriage and sharing your experience with pregnancy loss. I too have one lovely son, but suffered four miscarriages within the last year and a half. I’m in therapy but suspect I need something more specific to the experience. I can’t find anything in my area. Do…
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A Purpose of Sex
The purpose of sex varies widely, especially based on our culture, religion, belief system, stage of life and so on. The gap between our evolutionary purpose of sex and our societal purposes, plural, in our brain, is tremendous, even today. Everything from procreation, to “property” and merging of lineage, to happily married to dutifully married,…
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Thinking of Sending Your Kids to Therapy?
Before you send your kids to therapy, consider coming to couples counseling first. How come? The time, energy, and money you spend will go directly to your well-being and happiness as individuals, a couple, and as a family. Often, issues with kids end up getting sorted out as you become a stronger couple and have…
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Why Does She Keep Interrupting Me?
Interruption, or Bid for Connection? Are you busy, working away, or engrossed in some project and your wife tends to come in and “interrupt” you with a detail that seems unimportant to you? She’s probably actually trying to connect with you. Remember that we are wired for connection (I know, I keep saying this). Connection…
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Silicon Valley Therapist Designs The Worst Video Game Ever! And Another In MOMA
This interview on CNN is our own, local Howard Scott Warshaw, MFT, The Silicon Valley Therapist, and one of my couple’s counselors in Connect2. About 30 years ago, in five weeks, Howard designed and coded the game “ET” for Atari, at a time when games took five to nine months to create, code, and de-bug.…
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My Wife Thinks I am Keeping Secrets . . .
Dear Chandrama, My wife thinks I am keeping secrets from her. I am just trying to protect her. I had a challenging upbringing; hers was protected. That innocence attracted me to her, plus she is smart and attractive and we’re like-minded on many issues and values. What am I doing wrong? Dear What am I…
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I want to change my life . . .
Dear Chandrama, I want to change my life and I’m finding it hard to do. I am scared, and realize that in some areas I am stuck in my ways. My husband wants me to change, too. Any advice? Stuck Dear Stuck, What a personal and universal question you have asked. In “New Life, No…
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Dear Chandrama, Everywhere I turn . . .
. . . these days there is talk of meditation. My partner is pushing me to take a class. What’s the deal? Stressed Dear Stressed, While people have been meditating for thousands of years, research on meditation is still in its infancy. Scientific American Mind states that Goyal reports in January’s JAMA Internal Medicine that…