Connect2 Marriage Counseling

Mindblown: a blog about philosophy.

  • Premarital and Couples: Guilt

    Guilt is a feeling of regret or remorse for something you have done wrong or badly, or when you have hurt someone. In contrast, shame is “I am bad, or I am not worthy.” Guilt, as with all of your feelings, lets you know there is something to which you need to attend. Feelings are like road signs:…

  • How to Sleep Alone (while in a relationship) — or not!

    While it is both impractical and unethical to have a side business selling double beds, it is also very tempting. I see a smaller bed as a tool for you to improve your relationship. Here are snippets from couples about big beds: I am lonely. We are disengaged. My cat/dog sleeps between us. Our child(ren) sleep…

  • Are you Kinder to Strangers than to Your Partner?

    Is there a grain of truth to the statement “I am kinder to a stranger than I am to my partner/spouse?” If so, consider these questions: How did I get here? How long has this been true? Is this new for me, or a repeating pattern? How did I treat my partner before? What’s my…

  • Are Female Orgasms the Key to Inner Hunger in Women?

    While watching a video about gratitude on TED, I stumbled across a video of Nicole Daedone’s talk about the inner “hunger” in women; truly a cry for connection beyond shopping, errands, mothering, career, etc. Nicole has a book out and a center for sexuality that she truly believes will change the world; a woman’s self…

  • Premarital and Couples: Here Be Dragons!

    I wrote about the The Four Stages of Competency, that begins with the Unconscious Incompetent, perhaps also known as our unconscious. Jung referred to it as our “shadow” side — the parts of ourselves we don’t know about, and frankly don’t want to face. When I wrote the back cover copy for my Connect2 Personality…

  • “Who we are . . . depends in part . . . on who we love.”

    One of my favorite books is “A General Theory of Love.” Lewis, Amini and Lannon write poetically about love research, and they talk about limbic resonance, limbic regulation and limbic revision. The limbic part of the brain is the emotional brain. The gist of it is this: when in proximity to one another we exchange…

  • Are We the Only Couple Having Problems?

    No, you are not. Despite how other couples look to you, you are definitely not the only one having problems. In the same way that you don’t want anyone to know your relationship is in trouble, other couples are doing the same. A few years ago I helped present a two-Saturday couples workshop with Kathryn…

  • Premarital and Couples: Thankful / Grateful / Appreciation

    Those of you who are my clients already know that I encourage you to be thankful and appreciative, even for the small things that you expect your partner to do, and to say “Thank you” often and specifically. For example., “Thank you for doing the dishes,” or “Thank you for bringing me coffee in bed,”…

  • The Four Stages of Competency*

    I like to talk with my clients about the The Four Stages of Competency because it provides a simple structure for understanding where we are in therapy, personally or with our partner, or with one specific issue, trait, or behavior. The Four Stages of Competency are: Unconscious Incompetency Conscious Incompetency Conscious Competency Unconscious Competency Let’s…

  • Differentiating Grief from Clinical Depression

    The following information is from my book, No U-Turn at Mercy Street: A Memoir and Resource Guide for Grieving Parents. This is applicable regardless of the type of loss you have been through; a death, a divorce, a job loss, etc.   When symptoms of grieving persist as defined by abnormal behavior that threatens your mental…

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