Category: Couple Therapy
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Marriage Interview 1: Keep a Sense of Humor
Marriage Interview 1: Keep a Sense of Humor I am working on a series of marriage interviews to share with you. They are anonymous so that these generous people will share a bit of their personal lives with us. If you’d like to be interviewed, email me (canderson@connect2.us.com), and I’ll be in touch. Here’s the…
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Mom Died
Mom Died This was the first thing in my consciousness when I woke up this morning. Mom died. Overnight, this truth gets erased, and then comes back first thing each morning. She died Friday evening. Her partner was in the next room and my brothers-in-law had gone to get take out when she expired –…
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A Love Script? A Dyadic Encounter
Mandy Len Catron wrote a column recently for the NY Times called To Fall in Love with Anyone, Do This. 36 Questions The article is based on work done by Arthur Aron 20 years ago in which Aron created an experiment to see if he could script a set of ever deepening, and ever more…
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Anger: Use It Wisely
Why Anger Is Important I am for anger. It’s a useful feeling that lets us know a boundary has been crossed. Anger lets us know we need to do something about that. It’s what and how we do it, and in what volume and circumstance that we express our anger, that can make anger constructive…
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Arguing in Public
Arguing in public I went for a walk out at Princeton Point near Half Moon Bay in December. The rain had stopped after pouring the night before, and it was damp and fresh. I watched a Snowy Egret digging for lunch, a powered parasail fly overhead, saw dogs, surfers, couples and families. Pretty soon I…
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It’s Easier to Love Someone When You Make Them Happy
“It’s Easier to Love Someone When You Make Them Happy.” I saw this quote in a book I’m reading, and it struck a chord in me. It made me think of all of you. It is easier to love someone when you can see, hear, and feel that you are making them happy. Let me…
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Truly Loved
Truly Loved What would happen if we let ourselves be truly loved? Fully loved? I believe that many would say they would love to be loved fully or are letting themselves be truly loved. I wonder if there are pockets of resistance to being truly loved? I am thinking of things like: Can I love…
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Fine, Good, Okay
Fine, Good, Okay Do you answer fine, good, or okay when asked how you are? How are you? “Fine.” How are you? “Good.” How are you? “Okay.” Do you have any idea how your beloved is when you get one of these replies? Personal Weather Report When I ask couples to check in with each…
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See Me. Hear Me. Don’t Fix Me.
It seems so simple. How come it is so difficult to just See me. Hear me. Don’t fix me? But to see, listen and not fix is harder than to reassure or apologize. Just Get Me and Love Me for Who I Am We need to know our spouse gets us. We are competent, intelligent…
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Couples: Parallel Play or Interactive Play?
Couples: Parallel Play or Interactive Play? Are couples interacting and enjoying one another? Or are they living parallel lives, co-parenting, good roommates, going to functions, socializing, but always with others so they are not alone together? Parallel Play Young children play alone, enjoying a box as much as the gift that came in that box.…