Category: Science of Love
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Body Language and Tone
In “Couple Watching” I wrote about observing couples’ communication through body language and tone. I want to clarify that we can not assume what is going on from what we see. Tone Maybe she’s talking in the ‘tone’ because she’s found that by this point in a given conversation, she can’t get his attention any…
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Thinking of Sending Your Kids to Therapy?
Before you send your kids to therapy, consider coming to couples counseling first. How come? The time, energy, and money you spend will go directly to your well-being and happiness as individuals, a couple, and as a family. Often, issues with kids end up getting sorted out as you become a stronger couple and have…
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Why Does She Keep Interrupting Me?
Interruption, or Bid for Connection? Are you busy, working away, or engrossed in some project and your wife tends to come in and “interrupt” you with a detail that seems unimportant to you? She’s probably actually trying to connect with you. Remember that we are wired for connection (I know, I keep saying this). Connection…
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All This Arguing . . .
. . . fighting, disagreeing is actually a primal cry for connection. We are biologically wired to NEED a secure connection with another adult (defined as: be responded to with empathy, know we have each others’ back, seek comfort and sex from one another, create a home that is a haven and gives us strength…
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Today is Yesterday’s Tomorrow
Aside from being questionably deeply philosophical, there are practical considerations for couples in this statement. “I’ll work on our marriage tomorrow.” Unfortunately for many couples, they wait six years – yes, six years – before getting help. That is definitely enough time for rose-colored glasses to become clear and then brown (you do know what…
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Our Own Quirks
My teenager said recently that he wants a girlfriend who is smart, funny, and okay with her own quirks. How many of us are okay with our quirks? At what age did this happen? Has it happened yet? Our quirks are part of what make us unique and lovable. We all have genetic dispositions, but…
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Valentine’s Day: Pressure for Perfection
Valentine’s Day is supposed to be about love and romance. It may be great pressure for gift buying and giving, and for doing things for your beloved. In the construct of The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman, Valentine’s Day is good for those whose Love language is Gifts or Acts of Service. If your…
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You’re Not Doing it Right!
Dear Chandrama, My husband does things that drive me crazy, and I want him to stop! For example, he reloads the dishwasher, tells me where to turn when I’m driving, criticizes the way I chop vegetables, and doesn’t want me to help put his tools away. Why does he treat me like I’m stupid and…
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Neuroplasticity: Ask for a Change
I’ve been writing a lot recently about looking at ourselves and making changes in our own behavior (which is in our scope of influence ). I know some of you are wondering when I’m going to talk about changing HIM or HER. I know this because people call and email me every day asking how…
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What’s Missing? Tips and Experiments.
If you’re like me, and most people, your first answer to what is missing in your relationship is to look at what your partner is or isn’t doing. And it’s certainly important to ask for change from your spouse for the health of your marriage; please ask kindly. Now ask yourself the harder question, maybe…