Choose Your Beloved Daily

Choose Your Beloved Daily A colleague sent me an article about a man who chose his partner less and less each day for five years. They were both miserable in their “immature love.” As I’ve written in many of my columns, you need to choose your partner every day. And when you find yourself choosing[…]

Performance Review Your Marriage?

Performance Review Your Marriage? A recent Wall Street Journal article, A Performance Review May be Good for Your Marriage, suggests doing periodic marriage performance reviews. I support this idea. Small Corrections Early are the Best At times a small correction sooner than later is akin to redirecting an ocean liner or freighter — getting a[…]

Marriage Interview 11: “Normal” Engineer Couple

Marriage Interview 11:”Normal” Engineer Couple George and Victoria met in 1990 through a matching service. But for some reason George didn’t return Victoria’s call for a few weeks, and when he finally did, she was literally on a date with an another man. Victoria was excited that George called, though, because on paper they were[…]

Have You Ever Had a Dog?

Have You Ever Had a Dog? This, readers, is unconditional love. Every time I get home, whether it’s only been 30 minutes or three hours, he literally leaps all around me. He wiggles, and bounces, and boings side-to-side. By then I am laughing and smiling. He runs around the yard leaping four to six feet[…]

Accept Life Unquestioningly

“Life has no other discipline to impose, if we would but realize it, then to accept life unquestioningly. Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate or despise, serves to defeat us in the end. What seems nasty, painful, evil, can become a source of beauty, joy and[…]

Marriage Interview 9: Make a Date to Have Sex

. . . And Deeply Understand Yourself and Your Partner Make a Date to Have Sex Jessica and Steve just celebrated their 25th anniversary. Steve is 72 and Jessica is 68. They met in 1989 at Hobee’s in Town and Country (incidentally where we met for coffee at Peet’s,) after finding one another through ads[…]

Give Way or Have it Your Way?

Give Way or Have it Your Way? What does Give Way mean in a relationship context? Active vs. Passive Yielding I’m thinking this morning of active yielding vs. passive yielding. Passive giving way may be a path of not dealing with an issue. Active giving way can be a healthy choice for a marriage. Some[…]

Her Latest Lesbian Lover is the Wife of one our Mutual Male Friends

Her Latest Lesbian Lover is the Wife of one our Mutual Male Friends Jerry posted what you will read below as a comment on a previous column, and a discussion ensued there. Because there are so many layers to it, and many are common to affairs, I wanted to write about it as a separate column.[…]

Marriage Interview 8: “Spit Out All the Hairballs”

Denise and Dominic met 28 years ago and have been married 27 years. A mutual friend introduced them once they were both over their divorces from marriages they made at age 20. A lovely brunch and hike ensued, and they have been a couple ever since. The early days of their relationship were long-distance, and[…]

She Doesn’t Want Sex; He Doesn’t Want to Talk, Part II

She Doesn’t Want Sex; He Doesn’t Want to Talk, Part IISilence I purposely left silence last week because that is what can happen when not talking and not having sex go on for a while. That silence gets filled with logistics, focus on kids and extended family, schedules, vacation planning, time with other couples, and[…]