Tag: growing apart
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Fine, Good, Okay
Fine, Good, Okay Do you answer fine, good, or okay when asked how you are? How are you? “Fine.” How are you? “Good.” How are you? “Okay.” Do you have any idea how your beloved is when you get one of these replies? Personal Weather Report When I ask couples to check in with each…
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Trying New Behaviors: Fear and Excitement
Trying new behaviors: Fear and excitement are on the same spectrum. Consider, in an evolutionary context, of hunters making the approach: fear and excitement. Think of current times, for example, preparing for a big presentation that may help you in your career, or trying to figure out what to say to your spouse about an…
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Giants Won! Couples Can, Too
Giants Won! Just think: The Giants were the NL wild card team. They had one chance to advance in the playoffs. And the Giants won! They worked hard, they practiced, they used all of their skills, tools, coaching, and heart. I hope they had fun. It sure looked that way at times. Couples Can Win,…
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Flirtation
“To avoid mistakes and regrets, always consult your wife before engaging in a flirtation.” – E.W. Howe As Mira Kirshenbaum writes in her book, “When Good People Have Affairs: Inside the Hearts & Minds of People in Two Relationships,” we need to keep the windows and doors of our relationship shut in order to avoid…
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Marriage Underachievers
Marriage Underachievers I know no one wants to be a marriage underachiever. Would we have low standards for ourselves about our marriage? Whose standards are we using? Have we discussed what we want, what we need, as a couple? What our roles will be as husband and wife (and our view of the other as…
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I Can’t Get a Word In
I Can’t Get a Word In Sherry responded to one of my blogs with this concern about “I can’t get a word in,” [my edits included]: ” . . .Women who finish almost every sentence with ‘and’ or ‘but,’ then carry on, endlessly. The only way to get a word in is to rudely interrupt.” She also…
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Retreat Day
Do you ever have a retreat day, a day where you just want to stay in bed? Tired, a little cranky. It seems it would probably be better off for those around me to be spared my presence. Nothing really terrible going on. Just a retreat day. Do we let ourselves have it? Do we give…
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Repeating and “You” Sentences
When we say or hear repeating and “you” sentences, it is a sign that we need to slow down. Repeating is a sign that we don’t feel heard, or we feel misunderstood; that our mate is brushing aside our words and the meanings behind them. So we repeat (turn up our volume) in the hopes of…
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Give More
Give More “We limit ourselves every day without even knowing it, simply by doing what we always do, falling into patterns, not pushing ourselves further. But every one of you has expressive reserves you’ve not yet discovered . . . tap into them, and go further, and give more than you ever have before .…
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See Me. Hear Me. Don’t Fix Me.
It seems so simple. How come it is so difficult to just See me. Hear me. Don’t fix me? But to see, listen and not fix is harder than to reassure or apologize. Just Get Me and Love Me for Who I Am We need to know our spouse gets us. We are competent, intelligent…