Those of you who are my clients already know that I encourage you to be thankful and appreciative, even for the small things that you expect your partner to do, and to say “Thank you” often and specifically. For example., “Thank you for doing the dishes,” or “Thank you for bringing me coffee in bed,” or “Thank you for being a great parent when you encouraged Joe with his algebra,” or “I appreciate it when you rub my back,” or “I appreciate you listening and making eye contact with me when we talk,” and so on.
Dr. John Gottman of the Seattle “Love Lab” has done extensive couples research and has determined a 5:1 ratio — you need to say at least five positive things to your partner for every poor thing you say, in order for your relationship to last. So your appreciation and saying thank you are critically important to the health of your relationship.
What do you have to be grateful about? To feel grateful about? Notice at least three things each day you are grateful for, and say so!
Even if things are difficult, notice the small, medium or large things you can do to make things better or different. Notice your partner’s efforts, too, and appreciate each one, specifically.
I am thankful, grateful, and appreciative of my clients. Thank you for letting me into your life, your mind, and your heart. It is truly an honor to walk part of your path with you.
I am grateful for my family and friends, especially for the specific help you provided this past year, and the loving care that brought us all to this New Year. I am grateful to my the mom of my heart, Natalie, who passed away five years ago, and gave birth to my husband who brings me joy every day.
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#couples therapy
#premarital counseling