As we approach Thanksgiving, I want to thank our Connect2 couples and individuals for putting your trust in us; for doing the good, hard work that it takes to move from being good partners to being a couple (again). We bring expertise and hope; we guide and educate, encourage and challenge — you do the heavy lifting of changing your behavior, action, and brain.
Thanksgiving can be a tricky time. For certain people, it lives up to our hopes. For others, we want to look forward to it: to imagine a happy family and friends eating together, witty conversation, children happy and content . . . And maybe this year, it will be.
If we carry memories of Thanksgiving from childhood that are perhaps filled with arguing, drinking, or disappointment, our brain may be wired to expect more of that.
This is a time to have good self-talk: I am an adult now. I am no longer eight years old, at their mercy. The people I choose to spend this Thanksgiving with love and care for me. If I am with those who have wounded me in the past, I will set boundaries and gently hold them. I will look for the positive in this time together, remember to breathe, and seek love in my life from those I trust.
Families are complicated. Siblings and parents can say things that we take badly. Maybe their intentions were different than the impact their words had on us. We can react, or we can respond. Because our brain is wired to react in 1/200th of a second, we have to wait, with our words held back, for our thinking brain to come online so we are able to respond instead.
Whether or not Thanksgiving is a Norman Rockwell scene for you, I wish you peace of heart.
Thank you to my associate therapists, Julia McLean, Mary Nichols, and Howard Scott Warshaw; you are truly outstanding therapists; your compassion and professionalism continue to impress me, and I would be happy to have any of you as my personal counselor.