Dear Chandrama,
If we’re having device-free time and device-free places (including TV) in order to spend couples time together, what do we do?
— Doesn’t Like Change
Dear Doesn’t Like Change,
Change is hard. Most of us don’t want to change until the pain of not changing is worse than the fear of change. I’m glad to hear you’re going to experiment with certain devicefree time and places in your lives in order to spend time together.
Three tips:
• Change your device use two evenings a week at first to minimize withdrawal symptoms. I’m only half joking.
• Experiment together what time you want to turn the devices off. A lot of people are working at night, either out of necessity, perceived necessity, to avoid one another, or out of habit.
• Observe yourself and when and/or what is going on that makes you want to go check your device. (Is it “relationship” talk? To check email ? An “important” text you’re waiting for?) Notice how you feel when you don’t check. Or how you feel when you do check after you’ve agreed not to.
I will offer a few suggestions of quality time activities, and I hope many others will chime with what they do together:
• Have sex.
• Go to a lecture or comedy club
• Play card or board games.
• Take a walk, work out, or exercise.
• Hang out on the couch.
• Discuss a topic.
• Sit in the hot tub.
• Plan a weekend get-away.
• Go on a date.
• Read a book or Kindle and play footsie.
• Give a back rub.
• Listen to music in the dark.
• Reminisce about good times. Look at old photos.
• Get out in nature.
• Do arts or crafts.
• Play music or sing.
• Sit out in the garden.
• Make up stories.
• Share hopes and dreams.