While this may be a time of family, love, thanks, giving, cheer, good food, and relaxing around the fireplace with good friends, it also may be a time of stress, high and/or differing expectations, extra activities, shopping, family drama, disappointment, and mixed signals. This would be an especially good time to get on the same[…]
Raymond Hull Hull is absolutely correct. Trying to suit your partner is the opposite of living authentically. I should know, because that’s what I did in early relationships. And I paid the price, in at least two ways. Let me first tell you the set-up that led to it in my own psychological makeup. My[…]
that causes all the trouble.” Raymond Hull Yesterday I came up with the “elevator pitch” for my nonfiction couples graphic ‘novel’ I Do, I Don’t: How to Build a Better Marriage, and it goes perfectly with Hull’s quote: ‘You went to school, but no one ever taught you the tools needed for healthy interpersonal relationships.[…]
On Halloween, in broad daylight, when I was 10 years old, a man in a Camaro tried to lure me into his car with candy. Fortunately, I knew about Stanger Danger (although we didn’t use that phrase when I was a kid), and took off on my bike away from the direction his car was[…]
. . . is to think you control it.” -John Steinbeck Steinbeck makes a great point; we control almost nothing, whether on a journey or in marriage. We have control over our behavior, words, and our acts of service. If you don’t have competence in those areas, do something about it. Read, learn, practice, go[…]
. . . With love in the loving cup, Whenever you’re wrong, admit it; Whenever you’re right, shut up.” Ogden Nash Is it harder to admit it when you’re wrong, or to shut up when you’re right? What do you know about yourself regarding these two questions? Stop now, and take time to think and[…]
. . . you’re sacrificing not to each other but to unity in a relationship.” Joseph Campbell Well said! Other ways of saying it: Secure Attachment. Two-person system. Couple Bubble. Having each other’s back. Safe and secure relationship. Safety and support system. Marriage is the third entity in your relationship (funny to say that after[…]
-Talking Heads I recently came across two important tools for communication. One of them is STOP – Stop, think, observe, proceed. The second one is from Craig Ferguson and has three questions to ask yourself: “Does this need to be said?” “Does this need to be said by me?” “Does this need to be said[…]
In Princess Diana’s case, the ‘third’ was another woman. The clinical term for ‘thirds’ is triangulation. Imagine a triangle in which the two of you are each a point, and someone or something else is the third point. Meaning you’re not prioritizing one another since you’re focused on someone or something else. Unfortunately, in many[…]
I received an email thanking me for writing [https://www.paloaltoonline.com/blogs/p/2016/01/28/signs-and-symptoms-of-parallel-living Signs and Symptoms of Parallel Living]. She recognized it in her marriage, and asked me what to do. Here are the steps: Write down 10 feelings you have about it. Here are a few that you might be feeling:a. Lonelyb. Sadc. Confusedd. Angry (always look for[…]