Are You Communicating More or Less?
Isn’t it true that everywhere we go these days people are talking, texting, scrolling and swiping on devices? I find myself wondering if we had this much to say
before we had these devices? I don’t recall being on our landlines telephones constantly . . .
And yet, is it possibly true that couples talk and communicate less now that there are so many communication devices? I think couples are using devices to convey logistics, but I am pretty sure from what I see in my office that they are communicating less than more.
Have you noticed that devices give couples additional mediums in which to fight? Do you think arguments via text and/or email is on the rise?
A few experiments:
1. Set aside time to talk and hang out face-to-face with devices off or in another room
2. Keep devices out of your bedroom (keep it for sleeping and sex)
3. Send lovey-dovey texts/emails to each other
4. Send appreciation texts/emails to each other
5. If you forget and send a fight text/email, follow it up with a new message that is aimed for repair of the relationship (e.g., oops, let me start again)
6. If you receive a fight text/email, reply after your defensiveness curve has dropped. Make it a step toward connection vs. continuing or escalating the argument (e.g., hmm, that didn’t go well, let’s start again)
After the Experiments
After you try these experiments for a few weeks, I want you to ask yourself and each other: Are We Communicating More or Less?
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