In “Couple Watching” I wrote about observing couples’ communication through body language and tone. I want to clarify that we can not assume what is going on from what we see.
Tone
Maybe she’s talking in the ‘tone’ because she’s found that by this point in a given conversation, she can’t get his attention any other way. Maybe the tone is how her parents communicated. Perhaps she has a hearing problem. Or, she could be using the tone because she is exasperated with him and just wants to get back at him . . . or . . . ?
Body Language
He could be throwing up in his hands in defeat. He could be throwing up his hands to say, “Enough!” He could be throwing up his hands to wrest control or power in the conversation. He could be throwing up his hands because that’s how his parents communicated.
We can’t look from the outside and know what is going on, or what their story is.
What we can do is continue to obverse our own body language and tone; both in public and at home.
Ask yourself: Is this how I want to treat my beloved? If so, do more of it. If not, devise experiments and try a calmer or different tone, quieter or greater body language.
See/notice/hear how it goes.
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