Mom Died

Mom Died

This was the first thing in my consciousness when I woke up this morning. Mom died. Overnight, this truth gets erased, and then comes back first thing each morning.

She died Friday evening. Her partner was in the next room and my brothers-in-law had gone to get take out when she expired – literally exhaled her last breath. We were here in Menlo, and headed north at the news.

Mom went peacefully. My biggest fear was for her to suffer. Hospice did an amazing job keeping her comfortable, and our caregivers were wonderful. Mom’s partner hung in there, no matter how tired he was.

I was glad to see Mom’s body before she was taken away. She was so still, pale, and thin. That image will not overly cloud the thousands of other memories I have of her.

Absence and Mystery

Between feeling sad, and relieved for her to be out of her ill body, I am sitting with the absence of her, and the mystery of death.

What happens next? Physics tells us that everything is energy, and energy doesn’t die, it changes form. So Mom has changed form? There are many belief systems about death and I do not presume to know the answer to this question. Yet it feels important to ponder.

Death is not a topic readily talked about, and with modern medicine, death left the home and went to the hospital, until hospice.

I was a bereavement counselor at Pathways Hospice for two years while I was training to become a Marriage and Family Therapist. Grief counseling is rich work, and I love doing it.

Cracked Open

We are cracked open by grief, and question everything.

Now it’s my turn (again) to be open and questioning.

I am so grateful for our mutual love.