Seven Months Since Mom Died

I really miss mom. I find myself talking to her sometimes; telling her how much I love her. I’ve been planting a succulent garden and growing tomatoes. I know she would be glad as she always offered to help me with gardening. So I find myself enjoying it just a bit more, thinking of the satisfaction it would bring to her, too.

My grief has been surprising to me. I thought I would cry a lot (as I have with previous deaths). But I haven’t. Maybe because this is uncomplicated grief: I love her, she loves me. Period. No unfinished business. Nothing left unsaid

Grief can show up in many ways besides emotional outpouring. I’ve become absent-minded (this is a form of grief I’ve had before). I had to use the “find my phone” function, only to discover it was on the charger after I had searched everywhere. If something is not written in my calendar, it’s not happening — and I sometimes still miss it. It’s rather distressing, as I’m usually organized, efficient, and on top of things.

The one place I am completely “on track” is with my clients. Everything else falls away, and I am completely focused and present with them. It feels good to be in the healing, therapeutic mode with others.

I miss mom, I am kind to myself about being absent-minded, and recognize my grief and humanity in this part of my own journey, and I give my undivided attention to my clients in the room.

Mom would be proud of me.

  Palo Alto, Menlo Park, Woodside, Portola Valley, Los Altos, Sunnyvale, Mountain View, Belmont, San Mateo, San Carlos, San Jose, Santa Clara, Campbell San Ramon, Danville, Pleasanton, Alamo, Livermore, Castro Valley, Sunol, Dublin , Walnut Creek, Pleasant Hill, Orinda, Hayward, Oakland, San Leandro, Milpitas, Alameda, Newark, Berkeley, Los Gatos

 

Photo by greyerbaby @morgueFile